Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
