I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
