would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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