This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
