Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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