How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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