have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
