The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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