a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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