Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
