So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
