WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
