i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
