Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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