I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
