Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
