So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
