Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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