That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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