Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My balls are so social today.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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