Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
