Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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