I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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