awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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