you turned your livingroom into a bong?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
