After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
