She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
