Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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