Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
