every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
