My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
