I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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