hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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