Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
