new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
