Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
