I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
