omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
