he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
