So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
