Just cropdusted the office
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
