I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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