Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
