he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
