the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
