He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
