Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
