I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
