Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
