R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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