just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The ass gains better be worth it
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