Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
