put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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